I was going to write this blog two days ago and I am glad I didn’t. Why? Because two days ago was Saturday morning and that was before
Newcastle 0 – Liverpool
6. Getting a few things off my chest before such a great result would no doubt
have set me up as being just yet another whinging
Six nil is great, but it doesn’t even begin to cover up the fact that the people in charge of Liverpool FC seem hell bent on turning us into a complete joke. Once upon a time we had Peter Robinson in the boardroom, Bob
Paisley in the dugout and King Kenny leading the line.
Now we have Ian Ayre, Brendan Rodgers and Luis Suarez. You know what, having
written those two sentences I could well stop right there. It kind of says it
all, doesn’t it?
No doubt younger fans get heartily sick of old bastards like me harking back to the good old days of the 70’s and 80’s when we used to win stuff: all the time. Well you all best get used to it coz we ain’t shutting up any time soon.
I have got sick to the stomach over the last few years with the sight of one of the greatest football clubs on planet earth being turned into a laughing stock by a succession of fools and twats.
What an absolutely glorious time to be a Manc. As we all know, all Mancs are genetically engineered to crow and we just keep on giving them open goals. It seems almost incredible, but over these last few years we have actually managed to make the Glazers look good.
The list of miserable cock ups is all but too desperate to commit to paper. Maybe the most painless way to do it is a series of bullet points.
David Moores sells up to a loud mouthed pair of complete chancers for a few extra quid and an honorary life Presidency.
They promise a spade in the ground in six weeks.
They release stadium plans straight off a Star Trek set.
They sell players to pay bills.
They sack Rafa and give us Roy Hodgson.
Paul Konchesky and Christian Poulson.
Those bloody T shirts at
A jumped up Uruguayan dickhead who gave his word to Kenny Dalglish that he would shake a hand.
A jumped up Uruguayan dickhead who was so full of himself that he broke that promise and make Kenny look like a mug.
As in the guy who attended each and every one of the 96 Hillsborough funerals.
And the only way that the club was belatedly forced into behaving with a bit of dignity was when an Asian Bank got on the phone and had a moan about spending £25 million a year on an outfit that seemed to be condoning racism.
We get to Wembley three times and Big Andy all but turns things around in the FA Cup Final – which by the way we lose to the European Champions.
One trophy and European football, fifteen months after King Kenny took on the team when they were fifth bottom.
So what do our gallant American owners do? They click their Ivy league fingers and order Kenny Dalglish onto a plane to
And they fire him.
I think I need to write that down again, don’t you?
They order Kenny Dalglish onto a plane to
and they fire him. Boston
As in the guy who attended each and every one of the 96 Hillsborough funerals.
A few months later I hear Kenny’s son Paul on the Anfield Wrap saying that his dad doesn’t feel comfortable going to the match any more. How dare they?
Some marketing type must have figured that we needed a bit of positive PR in the wake of all the shite that had gone down.
So what did they do?
They did ‘Being Liverpool’.
For Christ’s sake.
They focused on a reality TV show instead of making sure we entered a season with more than one striker.
Then we were treated to week after week of David Brent speak bollocks from Brendan as he droned on and on about the magnificent progress the bloody 'group' was making. Once upon a time we had a ‘team’ and we won the league. Now we have a sodding ‘group’ and we finish seventh. And Rodgers and Ayre think we are all stupid enough to swallow their endless management speak about a ‘Project’.
And then our 'in house' Uruguayan dickhead decides that it is a good idea to try and bite a chunk out of a Serbian arm. Time for the great Liverpool PR machine to do its stuff again.
Ian Ayre tried the Machiavellian approach and suggested that we would not argue against a three game ban for violent conduct. Well that worked well, didn’t it Ian? I mean, they were really going to fall for that one weren’t they?
Did we get on the front foot and ban Suarez until the end of a season which is basically meaningless anyway? Did we hell.
Instead we seemed to be acting arrogantly and the FA chucked the book at us.
At which point Suraez’s people started to leak out the word that the great man was feeling all bullied and victimised and maybe it might be time for him to move on. At which point the Ivy League boys spit out their clam chowder big time. Holy Cow! Our £40 million balance sheet asset all of a sudden has the look of being a £20 million balance sheet asset!
So what do we do? We pander to the dickhead who decided to bite an opponent in full view of the Kop and about 20 HD TV cameras.
Mr Management Speak is duly wheeled out to announce to the world that Luis Suarez hasn’t let him down - not one little teeny weeny bit.
And the howls of laughter from Old Trafford get so loud that any self respecting Scouser needs plugs to go in the ears. And there is more. With Brendan, there always is. He goes on to say that he wishes all his squad had the Uruguayan’s mentality. I have been to every home game this season and seen some pretty ropey stuff. What I have not seen even for five minutes is a lack of effort. The players have given it their best shot, it just hasn’t been good enough. So basically Rodgers is saying that as well as 100% physical effort the players need to adopt the Suarez mentality and start diving, cheating and when all else fails, attempted cannibalism.
So Brendan. He hasn’t let you down? Well he has certainly let us down. The word is that modern day footballers insist that their contracts are based on what they get paid after tax. Suarez earns £6 million a year. Which means that the gross cost to the club for having him on the payroll is £10 million a year. What do we realistically expect for this? Let’s say 40 games a season. Which means that the club coughs up £250,000 every time he takes the pitch.
So now he is going to miss 10 games and the club will still shell out £2.5 million whilst he buggers off home to
or whatever. Let’s not
forget what £2.5 million means. It is the amount the club will bank from 3000
of us season ticket holders. At a time when living standards are falling fast,
the club has chosen to hike the prices of our tickets. Well, there’s nothing
new in that. Since when did they give a shit about us? So they take £2.5
million of our money and give it to a clown who gets himself banned for ten
matches for biting someone. Uruguay
I’m glad you don’t feel let down Brendan because I most certainly do.
Here’s how things might have played out had the club decided for once to show a bit of genuine class.
Suarez bites Ivanovic.
The club come out and basically say that enough is enough and this is the final straw. They say that he will never again wear the red shirt of
Liverpool and stick him straight on
the transfer list. They don’t just say that the club is bigger than any player.
They actually do it.
Then they say that they understand that many fans will be upset and concerned about the future without our arm chewing Latino.
OK they say. We hear you. So here’s what we’re going to do. We were planning on shelling out £10 million a year to keep Mr Suarez in the style he is accustomed to, but we’re not doing that any more. We could of course spend the £10 million on another mercenary.
But we’ve decided not to.
Here’s the thing. We have a whole bunch of great prospects who have just broken through from the Academy and we’re going to give them all a go next season. We’ll get Big Andy back and that means we will have three strikers for the new season instead of the one we started this season with. We’ll mix and match and make sure that
Shelvey and Suso get plenty of game time. Oh and by the way, we’ve also got
this new kid on the block called Coutinho.
The big question.
What shall we do with the £10 million a year we have just saved by showing Suarez the door? Well, we’ve been giving this some thought. We’re getting an extra 35 million quid’s worth of TV money next year so things are looking pretty good.
So instead of investing £10 million in yet another jumped up mercenary, we have decided to invest it in you lot. Our 12th
The ones who are
getting kicked in the teeth by the recession. The ones who are there through
thick and thin. The ones who Bill Shankly once upon a time turned into a force
of nature. Man.
So what does that mean?
Good news guys. We’ll be sending each and every one of you who has a season ticket at Anfield a refund of £300.
That would get a bit of atmosphere back into the stadium.
That would set the kind of example to the football world that we used to set.
That would shut up the crowing laughter from Old Trafford.
And of course hell will freeze over before anything like this would ever happen because in the eyes of the Ivy leaguers we are just a bunch of mugs who exist to be ripped off.
Once upon a time we had Peter Robinson, Bob Paisley and Kenny Dalglish.
And we won stuff.
Now we have Ian Ayre, Brendan Rodgers and Luis Suarez.
And come we seventh.
If any of this rings a bell with you, I guess you might enjoy my book ‘King Kenny’s Revolution’ which is available in the Kindle Store by following the link below.
Why not check it out.